Posts by The Marvster

25

Dreaming

by Sabin in

friends i have question to ask.

i suffered with horrific nightmares for along time.

i`m talking years.

Hi Sabin, I've been trawling through the topics as there are so many added every day.... it was a pleasant surprise to stumble across your thread.... I've wanted to talk about this for ages, but there was nobody who could understand it fully (well that's what I thought at least), because I think my dreams have changed as a direct result of leaving the org...

I used to have terrible nightmares, very regularly, ranging from violent gangs attacking me, recurring plane crash dreams, to filthy graphic demonic murderous bloody killings; I killed with my bare hands in a very bloody manner on several occasions (either humans or demon-like creatures) and awoke feeling as though I was a despicable demonic human, I do not exaggerate.... Well, guess what happened? after I got DF'd, I decided to find out about life on my own terms, and soon enough I started to discover why I was constantly in fear, fear for no reason, every morning on awakening, before leaving for work, this horrible gnawing unexplained fear ... after having an epiphany about the causes, I started to work at them. For me, they were to do with a total lack of self value, and putting all other people above my own importance; i was basically deeply unhappy and constantly devalued of my own opinions and worth etc. After about 3 or 4 months of working at this, trying to learn to accept and value myself as much as or even more than others, I noticed that my underlying uneasiness started to fade and for the first time ever, I actually felt what it was like to be myself, I had NEVER EVER felt this feeling before, and once I got this confidence, I noticed one day, that my nightmares had almost completely ceased, it had happened so gradually that i didn't notice that they had disappeared several weeks before.

Also as I gained confidence in myself, I started some self comfort methods before going to bed; I would tell myself that 'absolutely nothing can harm me' and even if an entity attacked me, all it could do was 'kill me' and nothing more.. I'm amazed as I think back to this because I don't even know how I came across these ideas... I was doing a lot of dismantling of the watchtower doctrine and belief systems at the time and listening to my heart and intuition and to philosophers etc on youtube. Then on a few occasions as I slept I felt these so-called entities sitting on me, trying to suffocate me etc, and one night i had enough and thought 'I'm not moving', and I just laid there and let it sit on me, it felt like it was happening all night' and I refused to move or get terrified... and since then these apparently demonic dreams all but disappeared... I don't know if it was a result of gaining confidence, I have no idea, all I can say is that when I was in the org, I had a lot of anxiety, over field service, giving talks, secret sins, feeling like a loner, no sisters interested in me etc etc, a long list of anxiety creating thought processes... with all that behind me I just think I changed psychologically which seemed to affect the subconscious... I do get irregular nightmares from time to time but like yourself I am into dream analysis and I try to figure out what they mean for me, so they are not even a problem anymore. I actually had one last night which left me subdued all day, but after spending hours pondering its meaning some interesting things came out and I learned more about myself and my inner feelings... this is how I try to use the dreams I have, to help me come to terms with my inner BS....!

thanks again for posting...

85

"And what happened next was simply unbelievable!"

by Terry in

jw
friends

i always sit in the same spot, just outside starbucks in a vestibule area with a table in the air-conditioned space.

i say "always," but not today.. somebody with two laptops and a table filled with business ledgers was in "my" favorite spot!.

so, i took a tiny wooden table inside the coffee shop on a long padded bench next to 3 other identical tables.. as the clickbait banner ads like to say: "and what happened next was simply unbelievable!".

The Marvster

Terry, you are the 'devil's child' you 'badass Mo Fo' from Hell...... THAT WAS BRILLIANT... I sat here 'wishing' I could even begin to imagine how to broach a subject like that in such an impromptu manner with gung ho witnesses... wow, you were thinking on your feet, AMAZING..

Here's what I think, as JW's we were all taught to be a little bit arrogant, i.e. we were so prepped that we almost ALWAYS had the upper hand when preaching to the others, we were spoon fed all the clever answers, and didn't have to invest much time thinking about how to talk to people because we had all the weaponry provided practically word for word in the publications; we were just lucky enough to supposedly know more than the average Joe, and often we would have an answer for 'every' objection, that's what the reasoning book and monthly KM's were there for, all of it filtered down from very experienced field service veterans and the results research on millions of hours of field service conversations, all compiled into the ultimate objection destroyer. Maybe once in a while we had the daunting misfortune of coming across somebody who could actually 'think' and stop us in our tracks, but that may have seldom been the case... so, we thought we can handle anybody, we were indestructible blah blah blah... and this is exactly where those two witnesses might have been coming from... learned arrogance or unchallenged self assurance... it's not their fault, they're just a product of the watchtower method.. and then they meet Terry, and then 'KABOOM'

Maybe for the first time EVER, they were made to think for themselves, and they didn't like it; massive cognitive dissonance going on there.. you are totally within your rights to feel bad Terry, after all they are your feelings, but I'll tell you one thing; with all the anger I've been experiencing lately, realising how much of my life that org stole after I bought into their 'truth', ignorant of the mountain of hidden lies behind it all, It was a massive comfort seeing a couple of their pawns get what was coming to them, thank you for contributing to my healing... you can't always pamper people anyway, and you did it in a fairly respectful manner, Imagine how Jesus would have dealt with them (just think of his rant with the pharisees), even if they don't awaken, then they might be a bit more careful about what they say to their next preaching victim....

Nothing but praise and admiration for your courage and ingenuity.... 'one badass devil's advocate'

32

So, I became very ill ... what did my loving brothers do?

by EdenOne in

recently i have fallen ill with a serious case of chickenpox (shingles).

three weeks down, high fevers, and the blisters attacked mostly my scalp and face, but then also my whole upper body.

i looked horrid, truly like a mutant monster out of a nuclear disaster.

The Marvster

Eden one... well said... I've actually come to hate the very thought that I once used to do good acts to strangers in the hope they would ask questions so that I could tell them I was a JW, and give praise to Jehovah, and perhaps get a potential return visit, and a great talking point for an assembly part, or watchtower comment.. how 'bloody' selfish... there was always that 'hidden' agenda behind every good action.. I absolutely loathe this now I've seen it for what it is.... it feels like my whole existence was 'fake'... it don't surprise me one bit that brothers have lost that genuine, care free, agenda free love for people...

32

So, I became very ill ... what did my loving brothers do?

by EdenOne in

recently i have fallen ill with a serious case of chickenpox (shingles).

three weeks down, high fevers, and the blisters attacked mostly my scalp and face, but then also my whole upper body.

i looked horrid, truly like a mutant monster out of a nuclear disaster.

The Marvster

And anyway we shouldn't be surprised by all this... just look at how VALIANTLY so many witnesses go the extra mile to shun a fellow human they have been friends with and known for 10, 20, 30 years, or their own flesh and blood, shunned forever in the bat of an eyelid ....

the lack of love shouldn't surprise any of us...

32

So, I became very ill ... what did my loving brothers do?

by EdenOne in

recently i have fallen ill with a serious case of chickenpox (shingles).

three weeks down, high fevers, and the blisters attacked mostly my scalp and face, but then also my whole upper body.

i looked horrid, truly like a mutant monster out of a nuclear disaster.

The Marvster

EdenOne - your experience both deeply saddens me while simultaneously filling me with an intense burning red hot blazing fire of rage in every cell of my god damn body.. I feel your pain
This sort of thing reeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally pisses me off.
Over the last year or so, thinking about JW behaviour, i had an epiphany... it may be right, it may be wrong..but I feel that JW's show love, 'love bombing' etc, not out of deep compassion for the person you are, but rather, because it apparently 'pleases Jehovah' and 'makes Jehovah look like a loving god, through his so-called people's actions'... they are doing it 'for Jehovah's name's sake' (because for some reason he is unable to do this for himself), or because it was A COMMAND from Jesus..., they love because it's written in a book that admonishes it or because they are told from the platform when and who to love; there is no heart in it, in other words, their love is out of DUTY, they love because they HAVE TO do it... I guess the reason why 'brothers' don't make contact, and have nothing to say is because, 'it's not in the kingdom ministry, or in the study edition of the watchtower', if they're not told how to act, then they don't act because there is no compassion in there in the first place.... Any previously existing involuntary or impromtu, or impulsive compassion they may have had was ceremonially removed a looooong time ago...
And now they are acting like the typical pharisee who practiced 'corban' (or Korban),because when they have the opportunity to show love to another human, they would rather take that gift (their time and love) and dedicate it to Jehovah, and leave another human to suffer or hold back love from someone in need; Jesus hated this, but this is exactly how JW's act..

Matthew 15:5,6-- But YOUsay, ‘Whoever says to his fatheror mother: “Whatever I have bywhich you might get benefit from me is a gift dedicated to God,”he must not honor his fatherat all...
This is exactly how those brothers acted towards you, they go by the book just like the pharisees, and any natural affection is completely suppressed. Sorry you had to experience that lack of love. Hopefully it will reinforce any doubts you had about returning to the fold
...

22

Evolution is not even a theory! So says the WTBTS writing dept!!

by DATA-DOG in

has anyone read the new awake ragazine??

it's a doozy!!

i thought we had a thread concerning this subject, but i can't find it.

The Marvster

I'm amazed too... the father actually said that he is 'open' minded, and says that he has NEVER heard anyone explain this; this seems to imply that he has asked many people to explain it, including many scientists in the field, checked all the available text books, documentaries, published articles etc etc, and found that NOBODY is able to explain this. Which JW could ever have the time to do this with all the studying of the watchtower materials they have to do which consumes all their time? where did his dad find time to do all this research...? The arrogance of the JW mentality; make an enormous sweeping statement, having done very little research into the matter, and that sweeping statement MUST BE THE IRREFUTABLE TRUTH.. if anyone challenges you on it, just dismiss them without hearing what they have to say.

14

Passing ships in the night and the disobedient compassionate brother.

by The Marvster in

just wanted to talk about two odd df'ing experiences i had; which gave me the 'personal' lesson that there are some in the wt who are definitely not militants when it comes to the whole disfellowshipping regime... .

passing ships in the night - the irony.

quite a while back, a brother turned up at my last congregation, he came to a few meetings and then i didn't see him for several weeks, and all of a sudden comes the announcement, he got df'd.

The Marvster

it really defies logic, because the only way those youngsters can resolve this is by being forced to return to the 'truth'... and persevere through many months of social isolation and antisocial behavior from the 'loving' members of the congregation, where everybody acts like 'you're dead'...

I mean that situation is really screaming 'LOSE-LOSE'...

14

Passing ships in the night and the disobedient compassionate brother.

by The Marvster in

just wanted to talk about two odd df'ing experiences i had; which gave me the 'personal' lesson that there are some in the wt who are definitely not militants when it comes to the whole disfellowshipping regime... .

passing ships in the night - the irony.

quite a while back, a brother turned up at my last congregation, he came to a few meetings and then i didn't see him for several weeks, and all of a sudden comes the announcement, he got df'd.

The Marvster

Vidiot, it's good to hear that your parents had (for want of a better term) the BALLS to defy that 'arbitrary' GB rule... I recon that shunning would be dropped en mass the day after, if it were ever re evaluated and seen for what it really is...

14

Passing ships in the night and the disobedient compassionate brother.

by The Marvster in

just wanted to talk about two odd df'ing experiences i had; which gave me the 'personal' lesson that there are some in the wt who are definitely not militants when it comes to the whole disfellowshipping regime... .

passing ships in the night - the irony.

quite a while back, a brother turned up at my last congregation, he came to a few meetings and then i didn't see him for several weeks, and all of a sudden comes the announcement, he got df'd.

The Marvster

Thanks Wasanelder Once. Actually after writing this I worried that I might have given the impression that I was 'praising' the organisation, One thing I'm coming to realise, which is quite upsetting, is that ACTUALLY there are a lot of good hearted people out here, I've been lucky enough to make 2 really good friends and they constantly baffle me with their sincerity... I was taught that only JW's were truly loving..I believed the lie and judged all non JW's as 'incapable of true love'. (by the way, now you have me wondering why being treated humanely by a JW now I'm DF'd would elicit so much appreciation... maybe it's a case of when evil behaviour turns good? I dunno)

Doc and babygirl30, the things you said about those who were once in bad standing themselves now being potential shunners really makes me think that Shunning is less about love for the shunned one, or obedience to the GB, but more about fear-based 'self preservation'... if there was no chance of being frowned upon, and there were no repercussions for talking to DF'd or DA's I wonder how many would engage in this cruel practice?

12

Power blackout during the meeting tonight!

by stuckinarut2 in

it was so funny!.

the small rented hall our congregation uses had a blackout.

we think there was some construction work next door that caused it.. at least the glow of everyone's tablets and cell phones kept the place illuminated!.

The Marvster

I remember years ago when we were renting a small place during the reconstruction of our kingdom hall. There was a blackout in the area one meeting evening, it affected the place we were sat in... then after a very short while, the majority of brothers and sisters couldn't get out of the hall quick enough.. everyone just grabbed their coats and bags and practically RAN out of the hall, heading home; and of course nobody looked back for fear of actually seeing the lights come back on in the distance... I should have noticed something was wrong back then... everyone running home to 'escape' the meeting as fast as they could, just because of one blackout... lol